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The author wants to affect the way people think of her. The author’s thoughts, opinions, and life philosophies matter. This is the least heinous of the five—but seeing a lonely person acting lonely on Facebook makes me and everyone else sad.

On the other hand, annoying statuses typically reek of one or more of these five motivations: 1) Image Crafting. The author wants to make people jealous of him or his life. The author is feeling lonely and wants Facebook to make it better.

Had a conversation about Barack Obama with David Gregory. Examples: Core reasons for posting: Attention Craving The fun part of these is watching the inevitable comments and then watching how the author responds to them, if at all. A fake congratulation from a bunch of people who aren’t emotionally invested in your struggle? But info about your schedule doesn’t do anything to craft your image or induce jealousy in anyone—so it just seems a lot like Attention Craving’s sad cousin, Loneliness.

Let’s list them: The one possibility I enjoy is that the message is written to be jealousy-inducing specifically for one individual who will likely be seeing it, whether it be an ex or a friend they hate.

Examples: Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting (FYI, I have a boyfriend; I’m in a wonderful relationship), Jealousy Inducing The image crafting and jealousy inducing motives here are transparent.

Description: A public expression of your extremely positive feelings for your significant other or an anecdote signifying the perfection of your relationship.

But I’ll happily take mildly amusing—at least we’re still dealing with the good guys.

Because things in those two categories do something for me, the reader. Ideally, interesting statuses would be fascinating and original (or a link to something that is), and funny ones would be hilarious.

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